Annoyed Librarian Summer Fun Ideas

I've been reading a lot of articles lately about libraries drawing in patrons during the hot summer months because of their air conditioning. I can sure understand the appeal of air conditioning. That's the main reason I go into my library everyday. Well, that and they pay me. It's important to get as many people in the library as possible. The more people come in, the more useful we can claim to be. So we really need to work on it during these blistering summer days. We've already got air conditioning and all those big "summer reading" books, but what else can libraries offer patrons during the dog days of summer to keep them coming in?

• Ice cold lemonade! Always a favorite. Have a shelver dispense lemonade when she isn't misshelving your books.
• Beer! Lots of beer. The beer lures them in, and enough of it keeps 'em in. They might stay there all night. Make sure you have plenty of restrooms.
• Hot dogs! I think the lemonade, beer, and hot dogs would all fit on a decent sized book truck. A shelver could go through the library shouting, "Hot dogs! Beer!" Which brings us to:
• A baseball game! (You need a pretty big library for this one.)
• Put a farmer's market in the library! Nothing goes better with the latest Nora Roberts that some fresh rutabaga.
• Picnic lunches in the stacks! And be sure to remind the kiddies that a slice of bologna makes a great bookmark.
• Pony rides! The kiddies love to ride ponies while you read them My Friend Flicka.
• Hold a workshop on planning a play. Then afterwards, put on the play in the old barn! Yay!
• Install a surfing pool in the children's section. Nothing says "summer fun" better than a surfing pool!
• Plant a garden in the archives! It's probably already dusty there anyway.
• I've got two words for you: tie-dye! (Or is that one word?)
• And finally, all-day babysitting! Parents love to drop their kids off at the library. Just encourage them to do it from 9-5 each day. Pretty soon, your library could be packed with kids! Just think of your usage statistics! And of course the kids can stay in the children's section with the children's librarian. That's why people become children's librarians, because they love kids!