Saturday, March 10, 2007

Stumbling Upon the AL

I looked through the last week of searches that led to the AL, and here are a few of them. I really need to stop writing about porn in the library, so the perverts don't find me so easily. Many of my critics will agree, but for different reasons. On the other hand, the perverts don't stay very long.

"i like the night life"
You and me both, baby!

i'm a librarian don't make me shush your ass
I like this person. I really do.

fun jobs librarian
Well, it wouldn't be shelving. Or cataloging. Or circulation. Or reference. No, I really can't think of any.

hot librarian
I don't know about "hot." "Cute" is probably better.

good-looking but no dates
I don't seem to have any problems. Perhaps you're stupid or shallow or have bad breath.

why was ordinary people challenged or banned
They was banned cuz they doesn't speak English good.

why are all librarians bitches
This is from a school library in New England. These kids today! I can only say that we're not all bitches. For example, there's Jim Rettig, ALA president manque. Unless he's somebody's "bitch." Seems unlikely, though. Are we talking metaphorical bitch, or actual bitch? No wait, unless we're talking about a female dog, it's all metaphorical. Well, take your female dog references and stuff them in your pimply adolescent ear!

hot female buns
Again, I don't know if "hot" is the appropriate term, but I haven't had any complaints.

library porn girl
You're looking in the wrong place, you bibliophilic pervert. And besides, it's Library Porn Woman to you, Mister Man.

books that should be banned
Hmmm. Anything Oprah recommends? Self help books? Management books? Any book that seems to be designed for people who don't read, you know, the ones people always get as graduation gifts? I'm full of ideas for this one.

banning books jokes
There can't be too many of these, but I'll try one. A Banned Book walks into a bar with a duck on its head. The bartender says, "We don't serve pigs in here." The Banned Book says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck." The bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

so much free nasty porn to watch
And so little time!

cute straight guys
Now we're talkin', baby! Save one for me. Obviously wasn't looking for a librarian.

barely legal girls
You really are a filth pervert, aren't you. What's the matter? Not man enough for a real woman?

does tenure really work?
Work for what? It works to ensure I don't have to exert any effort to keep my job, and that's enough for me!

female bottoms
You're a sad little man, aren't you? Don't you have a female bottom at home? No, you probably don't. And if you do, it probably doesn't want anything to do with you. If you were looking for librarian bottoms, you're even worse off than I thought.

public ass
I don't even want to know.

why i want the job as library director
Because you have an absurd lust for power, only not over anything important and not well compensated. Have you tried therapy?

nazi porn
Someone from Roanoke, Va is a really disgusting pervert. Though it's interesting that no one ever thinks of "communist porn." Communism never spawned quite the same filthy sexual perversions that Nazism did. I guess Nazism lends itself to that whole B&D theme, with the leather clad dominatrix and authority and discipline. Communism has the authority and discipline, but I'm assuming B&D isn't as enjoyable for the perverts if it has to be constantly voted on by the People's Committee for B&D. I don't like this discipline stuff myself, though I did once have to deliver a short, sharp kick to some guy's genitals. He didn't ask me to clear another printer jam, that's for sure.

topless librarians
Fetishist. If you want this sort of thing, try

point in getting phd in lis?
None, whatsoever. Or, perhaps you're attracted by the old canard that those who can't do, teach, and those who can't teach, teach library science?

exotic librarian jobs
Exotic librarian? Is that anything like "exotic dancer," except perhaps substituting a laptop for a lapdance?

what do librarians do?
At my library, as little as possible. I highly recommend it.

hottest librarian
What's the competition? Is it between me and...oh, never mind.

good free porn site
Not only are you a pervert, you're a cheap pervert.


Anonymous said...

what a long tail of self-discovery for you...and do you have any post-analysis in said discovery? feel a need for crafty re-visioning? or just let those poor bastards lust for thee? you MUST at least post the bod. or at least give us elbow?

Bunny Watson said...

Who types entire phrases like "so much free nasty porn to watch" into a search engine anyway?

Dances With Books said...

Oh, thank you. You have given me a few smiles and giggles on a dreary Monday morning.

Robert M. Lindsey said...

These are real searches? Good grief! And they lead to you? Good grief!

Ruthie Black naked said...

Why call yourself BITCH?

Only your enemies and select family members can give you that nick-name. You have to earn it by driving innocent girls to cry and generous guys to regret meeting you. Intellectually, it's the only thing I'm any good at.