Thursday, April 05, 2007

Yet More Finding the AL

Once again, I bring you some of the Internet searches that actually led to the AL. So for those of you writing your next article on information seeking behavior, or for those who just want to know how sad and pathetic our fellow humans are, here you go:

very important stuff that will keep the librarian off my back

Have you tried back hair? It would keep me off your back.

what would cochise do

Who cares? Is this some new Cochise cult? Are you going to get some little bracelets that say "WWCD"?

cute guy library blogs

What would be the interest here? That the cute guys would post their picture? Or just mention how cute they are? Or are we to expect, against much evidence, that just because a guy is cute he has something interesting to say? And we're talking librarians, right? The pickings are slim.

does it pay to go to the highest ranked library science school

If you knew my library school and my salary, the question would answer itself.

where to get rid of old porn

Have you tried recycling it? That way your old porn wouldn't contribute to our environmental worries. Just think, your old issue of Hustler can be turned into a notebook for your daughter to use in school.

communist porn

This from a really twisted Canadian.

victimhood vocabulary

Sounds to me like someone looking to sue somebody.

sweaty squeeze


education requirements garbage men

Could there be any?

shoe porno

Some German pervert was looking for this. Why don't they just stick with Nazi porno?

nazi shoe porno

No, I'm kidding with this one.

about earnable in house works without computer


illegal child porno

This one from Turkey, no less. Yes, let's definitely look for illegal child porno. We wouldn't want to be bored by that merely legal child porno. You're a really sick sumbitch, aren't you.

hot girls from weatherford ok

Yes, that's just the sort of search I'd turn to Google for. This was a Google image search from Kingfisher, OK. Is that close to Weatherford? Nevertheless, it's just sad.

librarians having sex

Librarians do have sex; I can testify to that. But do we really want to see it?

porn for kids that cant afford membership

I guess this is what people mean by the "digital divide."

how long did it take to find your first job as a librarian?

Natural language searching. I like it. Well, in some ways it took my entire life up until that point. But I had my first professional job 4 months before I graduated from library school, if that's what you mean.

books about job interview with answers

If you have the answers, it sort of spoils the fun for the interviewers. "If you were a car, what sort of car would you be?" "Let's see, page 28...I'd be a Chevy." Other than that, what could be the answers? "What exactly did you do in your last job?" "Um, um, let me check the book."

who wants to buy a house near gambling casino and race track?

Compulsive gamblers? Problem is they can't afford a house since they've lost their money at the racetrack.

who is a bad customer?

You are, you naughty boy!


Wishful thinking. There appears to be no such place.

porn when there just standing still

This was so stupid in itself I couldn't think of any way to make it sound more stupid.

library inspirational slogans

Obviously a manager wanting to inspire the troops. I suggest good management rather than inspirational slogans. But that's just me.

pictures of young hip dynamic people

Definitely want a library blog.

girl in whipping position

I'd like to put you in the whipping position and then just leave you for the buzzards, you sick bastard.

female dog porn

I believe the technical term is Bitch Porn, which I think means you need to be bitch-slapped, and I'm just the bitch to do it.

nazi military porn magazines

Probably from the same twisted Canadian who wanted the communist porn. Perhaps he's preparing a comparative chart or writing his dissertation.

any kind of 5 minute porn videos

It's nice to know you're not picky. I find it interesting that the most important thing is that they last only five minutes. Remind me not to date you. Who searches for this? This is just more evidence that the public librarians need to be teaching people how to find porn more efficiently.

the top reasons why people dont get jobs because of race

It seems to me the top reason would be race, and probably the rest of the reasons, too.

porn corsets

Are there any other kind?

chunk porno

I'm not even going to ask.

wide bums

Obviously looking for librarians. Unless he was looking for obese hobos.

vomit frat


death owls

They're coming for you! This could make a good horror movie title.

women in corsets having sex

Why don't you just stop being such a pathetic loser and maybe some woman would put on a corset and have sex with you.

men in corsets porn

Have you tried counseling?

cleaning smut off computer

This looks like another teachable moment for public librarians.

"harder to get into vet school" "med school"

Both are harder than library school, so what do you care.

why do people look at porn?

Because they don't have attractive people down on their knees worshiping them, like I do.

male stripper salary

Depends on the length of your, er..., resume.

get into porn sites at the library

This would make a great ALA poster. It should be "@ the Library," though.

librarian without master


men touch themselves in public

And in private, from what I can tell. What could this person possibly have been looking for?

the perverts of the young research library

This sounds like it would make a great soap opera.

free speech removing scrotum pictures from library

Have we had a problem with scrotum pictures in the library?

how to date a librarian

Very carefully.

buy the scrotum flap

I don't know what this means, but I think the scrotum flap is a hilarious part of the male anatomy.

librarian fetish

Poor bastard.

flea porn books

Flea porn is probably a lot more interesting than a flea circus. Is this filmed with a microscope or what?

russians minors porno

What kind of bizarre fetish is this? Does is have to be a Russian minor? How about an Estonian? Would that do?

blogs for frustrated librarians

Baby, you've arrived!

porn "no genitals"

What's the point or porn with no genitals? That's the whole purpose of porn, bonehead.

walt crawford "second life'

Ok. You've got me. The AL is Walt Crawford's second life. Now Humorless Unionator can call up OCLC and complain.

how to become a librarian

Fail at everything else?

hate being a librarian

That's okay. One day you'll be dead and won't have to worry about it any more.

what do you mean by prima donna

I mean the Annoyed Librarian, baby!


Dances With Books said...

Thanks for making my morning once more. Anyhow, for cute male librarian, send them over to the ZenFoPro.

All that people looking for porn. We definitely need to implement some serious Infoporn Literacy classes in our libraries like pronto. Look at all the inefficiency in searching for that porn. And we can promote those classes with "Get Into Porn: @ Your Library." :)

waltc said...

It might be helpful to note that, no, AL is not a Crawford side project. Particularly since you didn't put that one in italics. Chances are, the seeker was looking for this. How they got to AL? The ways of the tubes are exceeding strange.

AL said...

Aww, Walt. You're spoiling all the fun!

Anonymous said...

Best. Ever.


V said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Skipbear said...

Great morning reading AL,

Maybe we need to start a support website for all the cute male librarians out there. Would post my picture but your screen would melt from at level of adorability. Might need a filter at least. Also don't have a picture on the work PC

Anyway, today I am inspired to create a workshop on more efficent keyword searching for porn in the library just needs a lot exclaimation points and nautical motiffs like "Hello Sailor! Finding the right words for docking your dingy at the public access computer!!!"

AL said...

I've just been appalled at the lack of infoporn literacy these searches exemplify. No wonder they get the AL instead of the hard core stuff. You should make your project available freely on the web for libraries to link to.

Brent said...

The digital divide is sad. We need subsidizes for porn. Positive benefit is fewer children on Maury.

AL said...

But we have a place for poor kids to get their porn--the public library. I keep saying that private internet booths and infoporn classes would really bring in a lot of people to the library.

Brent said...

When I was in undergrad, I worked on reserve. We had psych classes on sexuality at the school. The porn videos were very popular. Funny, no one watched them on the TVs at the library.

But these private booths, you are doing the cleanup everyday, right? Or is that for some lucky work study student?

AL said...

Well, it certainly wouldn't be me, because I am a professional librarian with an ALA-accredited MLS. The code of the librarian specifically forbids cleaning up after messy perverts. That's what graduate assistants are for.

Brent said...

At least you are giving the grad assistants a taste of the real world. Your altruism to your assistants is noble since it forces them to contemplate their future career.

My graduate internship was not as glamorous as cleaning up after the public.

tanner said...

I was intrigued by your comment re: the correlation between salary and reputation of library school. This means either that you went to a mediocre library school and ended up earning an impressive salary, or you went to the best library school in North America and ended up earning a mediocre salary.
I hope that the former is true for you. The latter is certainly true for me.

AL said...

It could also mean that I went to the best library school in the country and earn an impressive salary, or went to a lesser school and earn a terrible salary. Which of the four options is it? I'll never tell.