Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Library School Coursework #1

The Annoyed Librarian made it back from New Orleans, barely! Since I'm too enervated by the heat and too busy rehydrating myself, I haven't the strength to write up my ALA Conference Report, so expect that over the next two days. Tomorrow, I will report on the really important stuff, like martinis and food. Friday, I'll report on the unimportant stuff, like meetings and programs. If I really wanted to torture you, I'd try to stretch this ALA report out into a week of mindnumbingly similar posts, then clean it up and send it to my director to prove I actually do something at ALA besides consume martinis.

So all I have time for is a prepared post, or, as they might say in the Golden State when trying to fill their pool with librarians, a pre-prepared post!


Welcome to a new feature of the Annoyed Librarian which will appear whenever the Annoyed Librarian has the strength to do some real research. This new feature will list actual courses available in actual ALA-accredited library schools (Sorry, East Carolina University!). Well, the course titles are actual, anyway. That way we can all see how the new librarians are being prepared for their exciting careers as information professionals!

535 – Competitive Intelligence (Rutgers)
In this course we will compete to see who is more intelligent--reference librarians, catalogers, children's librarians, or school media specialists. The course will consist of a series of quizzes, mazes, and obstacle courses, with the winner receiving a piece of cheese at the end of the course. No, I'm kidding. There's no piece of cheese. There is of course a free tote bag from the vendor of your choice!

331C - Beyond Google (UT-Austin)
This course will explore all of the things that exist beyond Google. For example, candy bars. They exist beyond Google. And cute furry kittens. And Chia Pets.

331W - Beyond Google web-based (UT-Austin)
This is the same course as the previous course, except we will mostly discuss Spiderman, both the comics and the movies.

565 Data Mining (Syracuse)
In this course we will learn how to mine data. By the end of the semester you will have learned how to operate really tiny drills and hammers and specially designed, data-sensitive, roadheading and tunneling machines [gosh, doesn't that sound technical!]. Students must provide their own canaries.

600 Data Warehousing (Syracuse)
A companion course to Data Mining, students in this course will learn how to operate tiny little forklifts and how to move pallets made of sand. Students must provide their own coveralls and hard hats.

593 Rapid Response Informatics (Michigan)
Ordinary informatics are just too slow for us, so we will teach you how to informaticize rapidly! In this course you will learn how to respond rapidly to the informaticization needs of people who need to informaticize in a hurry. You will also get a nifty black tee shirt with "Rapid Response" printed boldly on the front and a black cap labelled "RRI." You will also learn to operate all of the expensive equipment in the RRI emergency response truck.

681 Seminar in Practical Engagement (Michigan)
This is a special seminar for all of those librarians who have come to library school to get their MRS degrees. (I'm not sure about the men. Perhaps it's the MR degree.) As many potential librarians are shy, uninteresting, and not terribly attractive, the Seminar in Practical Engagement teaches you how to find a "life partner" and how to get that life partner to pop the question and let you get hitched. Also covered are engagement rings and china patterns. Anyone finishing the course without getting engaged cannot receive a grade higher than a B. [You might not have known that grades less than a B existed in library school. Well, now you know!]


Tim said...

Hysterical... our computer technician is completing her MLS degree and and I printed out your handy guide to help her in course selection.

Karen said...

I am going back to school!

Bunny Watson said...

I'm glad I didn't go to Michigan. The embarassment of getting a B in a MLS course would have killed me (I never would have passed Seminar in Practical Engagement)!