I told you I was going to apply, so here goes:
Dear Mr. and/or Ms. Temporary Library Director Search Person,
I would like to apply to be your temporary library director. I sure am glad it's a temporary position, because I don't think I could handle being a library director for more than 6-8 weeks. I'm well qualified, as you will see, and I'm sure I could come in and turn that place around in no time.
I meet almost all of your qualifications. I have an MLS. I got it from a real university that required me to fill out forms, sit in tedious classes, and do lots of groupwork. I never got less than a C- in any of my classes.
I know stuff about library technology trends. I've heard about these things called electric magazines; we should get some.
I'm familiar with copyright stuff, and violate copyright all the time. Just kidding, ;).
I have experience with academic libraries. Hey, I went to college, didn't I!
I have demonstrated my skills servicing student customers. I was rather notorious for that back in college.
I have excellent cross-dressing and impersonal skills, I think.
I am sensitive to diverse inclusionary issues. Show me a diverse inclusionatory issue and I'll just sensitize all over it!
I can work independently and direct the work of others, but not at the same time!
I'm able to work evening and weekend hours. In the evenings I prefer 6-6:30, after my tea but before my martini. Weekends, anytime after lunch for a couple of hours. I usually take a nap anyway.
I have some knowledge of the Microsoft Office Suite. I once took a tour of Microsoft. We saw the suites of offices and everything. They are very nice, for cubicles. Would I have one like them?
I have some expertise in this Internet thing. It is a good idea.
I look forward to hearing from you in the near future. And give my best to the family.
The Annoyed Librarian