Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Annoyed Librarian Cover Letter #1

I told you I was going to apply, so here goes:

Dear Mr. and/or Ms. Temporary Library Director Search Person,

I would like to apply to be your temporary library director. I sure am glad it's a temporary position, because I don't think I could handle being a library director for more than 6-8 weeks. I'm well qualified, as you will see, and I'm sure I could come in and turn that place around in no time.

I meet almost all of your qualifications. I have an MLS. I got it from a real university that required me to fill out forms, sit in tedious classes, and do lots of groupwork. I never got less than a C- in any of my classes.

I know stuff about library technology trends. I've heard about these things called electric magazines; we should get some.

I'm familiar with copyright stuff, and violate copyright all the time. Just kidding, ;).

I have experience with academic libraries. Hey, I went to college, didn't I!

I have demonstrated my skills servicing student customers. I was rather notorious for that back in college.

I have excellent cross-dressing and impersonal skills, I think.

I am sensitive to diverse inclusionary issues. Show me a diverse inclusionatory issue and I'll just sensitize all over it!

I can work independently and direct the work of others, but not at the same time!

I'm able to work evening and weekend hours. In the evenings I prefer 6-6:30, after my tea but before my martini. Weekends, anytime after lunch for a couple of hours. I usually take a nap anyway.

I have some knowledge of the Microsoft Office Suite. I once took a tour of Microsoft. We saw the suites of offices and everything. They are very nice, for cubicles. Would I have one like them?

I have some expertise in this Internet thing. It is a good idea.

I look forward to hearing from you in the near future. And give my best to the family.

Yours,
The Annoyed Librarian

5 comments:

Norma said...

"Thing" and "stuff." That'll get you far!

Annoyed Librarian said...

I think I'm a shoo in for this one. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

AL

mdoneil said...

Brilliant, simply brilliant.


I once put in a cover letter that "I am the smartest person that will apply for this job and if you don't hire me it will be your own fault."

I also walked out of an interview at a community college after they asked me what kind of breakfast cereal I would be if I were a breakfast cereal. I stood up asked if there were any library related questions, looked at them look at me as if I was being the idiot and walked out the door.

I didn't get either one, but when I left librarianship I got a job where I earn enough to pay my student loan in the first two days rather than the eighth.

Annoyed Librarian said...

I love the breakfast cereal question. Haven't gotten anything that stupid yet. I always wonder who takes jobs like that. Surely not genuine "professional librarians" with an MLS and everything.

Anonymous said...

I once drove clear across the State of California for an interview at some hokey desert Community College. It become obvious the two men intrviewing me were leering at me! (I was young and attractive.) I didn't get the job. Perhaps a Pamela Anderson look-alike did! A year later I saw that they had been fired or something. What a long strange trip it's been! ------annoyedfortoodamnlong.