Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Library School Coursework #2

Below are a few more genuine course titles from genuine course catalogs from genuine ALA-accredited library schools. Makes me wish I could go to library school all over again.

328C - Advanced Connexus Forum Seminar Series (UT-Austin)
In this Forum Series, we will study connexus-like things from a truly advanced perspective. If you do not understand basic connexus stuff, please don't take this course. You will not be able to keep up. Also, having a course with the cool-sounding word "Connexus" on your transcript should show people how hip and up-to-date you are. And the fact that the Connexus is "Advanced" will look even more impressive. And you probably don't realize yet that no one will ever look at your transcript, because nobody cares what classes you took in library school!

5718 Agent Implementation and Control for Information Professionals (U. of North Texas)
[This course is restricted to those planning to work for the CIA library. We could tell you what the course was about, but then we'd have to kill you.]

567 Gender and Computerization (Indiana)
The topic of this course will be clearer if you know the original title: Women and Internet Porn. Where is it? How to find it? Is it free? As a sop to the feminists who claimed we were exploiting women, we've thrown in some pictures of naked men as well. We are equal opportunity exploiters.

289 Knowledge (UCLA)
"Quid est scientia?" as Pilate might have said. Take this course and find out! We were going to crosslist this course with the Philosophy Department, but they wouldn't have anything to do with us. Intellectual snobs!

629 Multicultural Literature for Children and Young Adults (UW-Madison, natch)
Sure, you're a radical leftist who wants to change the world one library card at a time. That's why you came to Madison! But how do you do that? In this class you'll learn how to effectively indoctrinate the young with your incoherent multiculturalist ideology. And where else would you be able to get graduate credit for reading children's books?

2130 Queuing Theory (Pitt)
This class will introduce you to the most important theoretical advances on queuing. For example, when in a queue, don't stand so close to someone that you step on their heels and make them walk out of their shoes! And if you're going to cut into a line, make sure it's in front of a small, frail old person instead of some 6'5" guy with lots of tattoos. To find out more about that and many other exciting aspects of queuing theory, take the course!

390RGI Race, Gender and Information Technology (Illinois)
In this course, you will find out that if you have a race or a gender, you are probably somehow oppressed by information technology. This course is an excellent choice for humanities students who want to take a "technology" course without learning anything about technology. Unlike "Network Systems Administration" or "Programming Web Mashups," you won't have to know anything more about technology than you learned in that Women's Studies course you took in college.


Greg said...

Ooo! Ooo! Mr. Carter! Can I take Queuing Theory?! See I have Netflix and I've setup two seperate queues (one for movies, one for TV-on-DVD) and I could really use some ideas on how to slot things. Like, should my movie queue go action-humor-action or action-action-humor? And with my TV queue, how effective is it to follow up an 80's drama with a 00's cartoon?

Dances with Books said...

What exactly is Connexus? Is that not that Star Trek thing. . .never mind? I guess in the end, as long as it's on the transcript, who cares what it is. Not like anyone interviewing will actually ask about it.

Taupey, the Bush Kangaroo said...

Too funny AL, too funny. You have such a wealth of material available, can your sitcom deal be far off? Are you add "the Seinfeld of her generation" to your already estimable profile?

As to queuing theory, I recall seeing a senior Math major in college with this incredibly thin textbook. The title "Number Theory" and guess what--it was a two semester course! Further attempts at teasing her resulted in my learning that number theory is not to be ridiculed and is way, way harder than partial differential equations, even when sober.

Annoyed Librarian said...

If anyone wants to offer me a sitcom contract, I'd be happy to oblige. I have written a comic novel, but so far no takers. Fortunately, there are no librarians in it. Library humor doesn't travel very well.

doomedintellectual said...

Race Gender and Info Technology! wow I guess Ted Stevens was right about the internet tubes, who knew what other tubes there were? XX or XY? hmm, can't wait to find out...

bookish1 said...

I recently completed a class on Group Information Rights. It was pretty easy once I realized that everyone other than straight white males was a victim. Who knew? This class was one that fulfilled the "Diversity" requirement. I really resent being forced to take a class that makes me view everyone other than straight white males as victims. It should have been called Victimology 101. It's like they think students won't know how to relate to persons of color or gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered individuals. Honestly. What... do they think we're all a bunch of dumb rednecks or something?