Annoyed Librarian Cover Letter #2

Dear Western Mission Community Water Closet District,

I recently read that you were looking for pre-qualfied people to join your potential pool of possible candidates for potential possibly future work on a temporary, plausible basis. Well, sign me up, baby!

You want qualifications! I've got qualifications out the wazoo. You don't need no stinkin' people with a "California Community College Instructor's Credential in library science." I've got your MLS right here! ALA-accredited and everything!

And I see you want copies of all my college transcripts. I can send them right over, since I always keep copies on me, just in case an exciting job opportunity pops up and nobody believes I went to college. There's college, library school, and my PhD from ULC. I think it's a good idea to ask for actual transcripts. It weeds out those lowlifes who lie about their genuine ALA-accredited MLS, or perhaps never even went to college! If they didn't provide those transcripts, how would you ever know? Would you like my high school transcripts as well? I can also give you the phone number of my high school algebra teacher, Mrs. Laughingstock. She can verify that I was never good at math, so you'll be able to slip that salary by me.

It looks like you want someone who'll be able to come in at a moment's notice at any time of the day or night and do every possible task in your library from maintaining your servers to checking out books to cleaning out the filthy toilets. I'm your gal! I took a special class in library school on cleaning filthy toilets the Dewey Decimal way!

I see you're offering top dollar for my potential possible services as well. $22K! (Mom, I told you library school would work out!) Are these the jobs I keep hearing about that only the immigrants from Guatamala will take? Just kidding! But seriously, don't worry about the money. I've got my trust fund. How else could I afford to be a librarian?

I'm really looking forward to you possibly qualifying me for potential possible future work at embarassingly low wages, if any comes up. Until then, you can reach me at my current place of employment, the ALFL.

Sincerely,

The Annoyed Librarian