The Iniquitous Librarian

This Ubiquitous Librarian Guy is everywhere! Even on Annoyed Librarian!

It does the Annoyed Librarian's heart good to see these earnest young librarians out to save the world and the profession of librarianship. And they're so cute! Though some of them seem a wee bit insecure about the importance of librarians.

"The Ubiquitous Librarian constantly seeks new ways to interact with users. The Ubiquitous Librarian is all about participation. It’s about stepping outside of the library and interacting with patrons wherever they may be: online, in the classroom, in the hallway, at football games, in the cafeteria, off campus."

The Annoyed Librarian decided to try this! Usually she is content to be a librarian just at work, and even then only between tea breaks. She does not let it subsume her identity utterly and totally. But there was just too much infectious enthusiasm here for her to sit idly by while other librarians were being ubiquitous. So she went out and found some new ways to interact with users!

How did I do it? Well, when I went to the grocery store for some cat food and brie, I spied someone who looked like he needed help. Let's call him Patron #1. He was staring blankly at a wall of soup cans.

"Excuse me, sir," I said, "but could I help you?"

"Maybe. Do you work here?"

"Oh no, sir, I don't work here. I'm a ubiquitous librarian."

"A librarian? I don't need a librarian, I need a store clerk."

"But sir, I'm sure I can help you. You're trying to choose a can of soup, right?"

"Right."

"Well, I can help you. Using my smart phone, I can search the online catalog of the library to find books on soup. Also, we can search for articles on soup of all varieties. I can access the latest issue of Consumer Reports, as well as a variety of magazines and journals from Good Housekeeping to the Journal of Soup Marketing. We can have you fixed up in no time!"

Maybe my excitement caused me to froth a bit more than usual, because at this point, he started to back away. But I was persistent and kept at him.

"Sir, you're not allowing me to use my skills to their fullest potential! You're not allowing me to prove how important I am! You're not allowing me to be everything to everyone everywhere all the time!"

"I'm just looking for the soup in the coupon!" he yelled as he walked quickly to the exit. I say quickly, but it was nothing compared to the speed of the iniquitous Annoyed Librarian! I leaped over a shopping cart and pushed a pimply bag-boy out of my way to keep up with Patron #1.

He thought he had me when he dashed out of the Entrance door just before this enormous woman with a cart filled the doorway. But fortunately she spotted a fellow librarian and made way for me!

He grabbed a case of water and was tossing half-liter bottles at me all the way, but thanks to years of careful study I've got the swiftness of a cat and dodged them all. So he dropped the water and ran for his car. I kept yelling to him in the parking lot, holding up my phone and trying to show him the 69,300,000 hits for "soup" I found on Google. But he ignored me and jumped into his car. I pounded on the hood just as he took off, but his only sign of acknowledgment was the extension of his middle finger.

Last bloody time I try to be a ubiquitous librarian.